Dear Sylvia excerpt

Excerpt from Dear Sylvia, a novel by Alan Cumyn

Deer Sylvia,

Mom doesn’t like the Invisible Enshurince Man!

She spent all afternoon reading and reading in the bedroom with the door closed. When she finally came out her face looked gray as an old newspaper that’s been left in the wall for 100 years and when you have to open up the wall to look for someone's skullbone instead you find the newspaper.

She said—who is Rebecca?

And Dad said—I made her up!

And Mom said—I want to know who she is!

But Dad couldn’t tell her.

So Mom drove off in the car. Now it’s suppertime and we’re having canned ~~beens~~ beans. I’ll tell you what happens later.

Now it’s later.

We sat and stared at the beans. It felt like we were all underneath too many blankets. Finally Leonard said—I can’t eat this stuff its ~~poyzunned~~ poisoned!

Dad looked at him like he just pulled the ring out of a grenade.

Leonard poked his beans around and around on the plate.

He said in his little voice—they taste like clay.

Dad hit the table with his hand! We jumped and Leonard's plate rolled onto the floor like a hubcap.

With beans on it.

Then Leonard had to get the rag and the mop and another plate and a spoon and scrape all the poisoned beans into the garbage and Dad said he could go hungry if he didn’t like beans. He said we were all spoilt and that kids in Africa would kill their mothers for beans as good as this. Leonard said he didn’t want to kill his mother for any beans and he started to cry.

Andy said—who's Rebecca?

I thought Dad was going to explode another grenade. Instead he said—you have to have a love interest in a book!

Why? Andy said.

Dad got up and threw his beans in the garbage and said we could all go climb trees naked in a thunderstorm. He said we would learn about love interest when we were older. Then he went back to his office and going CLACKclackCLACK again at first really hard then like a woodleg pirate hopping across a stone street.

Andy decided we needed to clean up the kitchen so there wouldn’t be a windstorm over that when Mom got home. While we were at it he said he thought Rebecca was the Invisible Enshurince Man’s ~~seckreterry~~ secretary who had long red hair like a red silk rope down her back and she wore lipstick.

Leonard said—why does she have to wear lipstick?

Andy said—because the love interest secretary always wears lipstick. That’s how you know who she is.

Leonard said—Mom wears lipstick.

Andy said—not at the office.

Leonard said—but Mom doesn’t go to the office!

So she can’t be the love interest! Andy said.

Love,

Owen

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